Ontario Kids vs. the Break Dancing Bum

Crescent is home to all sorts of tourist delights. Exotic strippers, cheap booze available at several different bars, great nightclubs, etc. But perhaps Crescent’s biggest draw is the amount of messed up bums that do their weekend hustle begging for change. Sure most of them are just run of the mill hobos, but a few of them make a name for themselves as being truly nuts.

Take for example Jean the Break Dancer. Jean calls himself the best break dancer in Montreal and shows off his skills all over downtown. You give a little bit of change and he’ll wow you for a few seconds with some cool moves.

Unfortunately our friend suffers from a little a drug addiction and his judgment has been significantly impaired. There would be times where there would be a group of guys fighting over some nonsense and here comes Jean the Break Dancer passing by. Jean will say something to the group, then they will heckle back in annoyance, and then afterwards Jean the Break Dancer would do some spinning break dance move that kicks the guy in the mouth and then run off triumphant.

To get to the point of this little story, a tour bus brought over 5000 Ontario kids to Montreal to party for March Break a few months ago. These kids went buck wild. The guys are sexually starved and insecure, the girls think they are hot shit with daddy and mommy’s money, none of them know what it is like to drink out because they are still minors in Ontario, and among other things they are in a totally new city surround by sin and no supervision. Also, Ontario kids just tend to be more disrespectful in general for one reason or another (I know I am being stereotypical but sue me).

With all these factors it wasn’t surprising that a 60 man brawl happened outside one of the clubs. It was just pathetic. There would be people talking bullshit, then stuff would calm down, then some jerk would throw a punch and anarchy would ensue. This process would go on repeatedly throughout the night and it was just total mayhem.

Then out of nowhere guess who shows up but Jean the Break Dancer. Unfortunately for him he broke his leg doing god knows what, forcing him to hit the streets in a wheelchair begging for change probably. He sees the fight going on and instead of thinking “shit I should get out of here” his sick drugged out mind thinks “I WANT IN!!!” So he gets up off his wheelchair on one leg and starts doing superman punches into the crowd. Then he later goes behind his wheelchair, throws it into the crowd like a bowling ball, and knocks down two jabroni Ontario punks.

I am trying to think up of some funny way to end the story, but I think the image of a Break Dancing bum fighting on one leg using his wheel chair as a rolling projectile is enough. More stories soon.